What About You?

It's normal to need companionship and love. We yearn to be with a person that will compliment us as a rock to lean on, a motivator, or a team member that will not let us down when the game of life comes down to the nitty gritty. The need for love is not the question but at what cost? Divorce rates are high and many children are born to single parents, which single parenting is not the the topic, it's making bad decisions choosing a mate. I think we've steered away from what a relationship should be than a glamorized parade with a lot of nice things to see on the outside but no substance on the inside. We concentrate too much on finding the perfect man/woman, money, or throw ourselves into anything without much thought for fear of being alone. I know this sounds cruel or hits a sour note but it's a harsh reality that has frustrated a lot of us in the past and continues for the single, divorced, and widowed that have decided to take that next step forward.

Many people go to the wrong places to find a companion and end up disappointed. Be realistic, are you going to find your soulmate at the club? When people go to a club it's to dance, drink it up, and let loose with friends. It's the perfect environment for a one night stand or maybe meet someone that will be a fling but a long term relationship, hardly.

Both men and women expect to find the perfect man/woman with a grandious list of qualifications when they cannot even meet half of that list. Why should you ask for someone to be tall, dark, and handsome with a lot of money when you don't care about your health, watch tv most of your free time and are still working the same 9-5 job you complain about every day? At times we need to analyze our inner self and then makeover our persona to attract the right person. What I am trying to say is this: Sometimes life drags us through the mud through divorce, death, or depression for whatever reason. We let ourselves get stuck in a rut. During that bout or immobility our self esteem, personality, and appearance take a hard hit and we display the scars through our emotions and physical appearance. Don't walk around displaying your past injuries.

Remember we all have had our moments of failure or loss and we need time to recuperate and then bring ourselves back up to rise again with an attitude that no matter what has happened we will succeed. When it's the right time to rise again, then check yourself and make sure you are standing on solid ground; know what you want before looking and criticizing others. Let me explain it this way, we cannot go to the grocery store hungry as we will leave with a bunch of items we don't need or end up disatisfied. Same concept for dating: why go out there when your not ready, don't know what you really want, and end up with the wrong person, unhappy and with more regrets?

I by no means am saying be someone else, that's the problem today, people put up a front and if a guy says, "I love baseball!" the woman interested in him miraculously loves baseball too when she doesn't even know how to hold the darn ball! Some relationships are composed of couples that wear matching t-shirts and some who respect each other's individuality but whatever your preference know what you want, be yourself, and be upfront. Don't hide anything for that will make things worse when the truth comes out. I firmly believe you attract the way you act but be honest with yourself before making a grocery list on a potential mate. Check the merchandise for good quality, I'm not referring in the appearance but what is inside. No one wants a bad woman or man. There are too many imposters, cheap brands, and bad lemons out there so steer clear!

Open your inner circle and try something new, go to a ballgame with your friends, go to different social events, or take up a new hobby, you never know who you will meet and you will add to the qualities of the great person you already are. There is someone for everyone but we need to open up too, and not try so hard; let things fall where they may. Best of luck and smile! No one likes to approach a person that always has that ticked off look, what about you?